Deep Inside My Broom Closet

Sunshine and Daisies!!

2011-09-30T08:49:00.000-05:00

I have often said to friends that "My life may not be sunshine and daisies but I am sure going to act like it is." I don't like being a negative nancy (even though on here I have been) but I try to put on a happy face even when my life isn't going to great.

But my life right now is SUNSHINE AND DAISIES!!!!! Things are finally looking up for me. I am working but I have been offered two jobs that if I choose to take either one will have me working in my town again instead of a 30 minute commute. Both companies are stable and so less stress. Don't get me wrong, I love the people at this job but the stress of if we are going to be able to make payroll every week is starting to take its toll on me.

Also, I have met someone. Ok, I kind of met him. I was introduced to him in January of this year but due to my life not going the way I wanted and a heartbreak that was trying desperately to get over. I wasn't interested in dating someone. So we decided to be friends. Then a couple weeks ago, he invited me on a motorcycle ride. We were gone all day. Then on the way home, we got caught in a storm. It was the scariest thing I have experienced but he made sure we were safe. I laughed so much on that ride. I didn't know that I could smile or laugh that much. That ride has changed my life. He and I are seeing each other and the connection between us is amazing. We talk about everything. Including my beliefs because get this....you ready for it.....he's Pagan. Yeppers, I found me a hot Pagan in my little bible belt town. Our beliefs are so similar. He gets all my quirks. And when it comes to my children, he understands why I am not wanting him to meet them for a long time. My family and friends have noticed a significant change in me. They said I am smiling more and laughing. I am truly happy and the feelings are amazing.

Yep, life is sunshine and daisies and I'm loving it!!!

Blessings,

Ana

Time to Decompress

2011-09-07T16:21:00.000-05:00

I have felt like I have been in a funk lately. I have had so much going on that I have barely had time to breath. I was just telling a friend that my parents (whom I live with) are going out of town next week and that just happens to be the week my children will be with their dad. So I am going to do some serious relaxing. I will get some much deserved privacy and peace and quiet.

But I know that this will be a temporary fix. I think I need to go visit my mountain. I love it there. It is the one place that technology can't reach me. I will be able to leave my telephone because I know it won't work there. AWWWWW RELAXATION!

Have any of you thought about how much rely on technology? I don't go anywhere without my cell phone. I am constantly on a computer all week because of my job and then on it when I get ho me. No wonder my mind is turning to mush. I read somewhere that some family has a no technology day. On Sundays, they are not allowed to use their phones, television, computers or any other type of electronics. They claim it has brought their family closer together and that now they are putting there stuff down on other days.

I am not sure if this would work for me but I need something. I have been feeling so frantic lately. I can feel the panic creeping up on me. So that means a panic attack is in the near future. I hate those! I completely shut down. I don't sleep and then there is the crying. Oh man, the crying is horrible.

Yes yes..my need to decompress is pretty urgent. Next week will be a good start but I will have to take a trip to my mountain to get the full effect.

Well, now that I have rambled and I am all over the place, I will let you get back to your regular programming.

Have a blessed day,

Ana

All Signs Are Pointing To Fall

2011-09-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

Even though the first official day of fall isn't till the end of September, September 1st is my unofficial first day of fall. Each year on September 1st when I wake up the sights and sounds are so different than the day before. Even though in our neck of the woods, it is supposed to be a horrible 101 today, I still can feel fall.

Maybe it's that the kids are back to school, maybe it's because football season is starting or maybe it's because the hunters are getting all their tree stands and plots ready for hunting season. But all signs are pointing to fall and I am LOVING it!!!

I am already looking forward to wearing long sleeves and light jackets. Kicking up the leaves that have fallen. Enjoying the beautiful colors that nature will be showing off soon.

I am planning a Wild Woman weekend. I am unsure if anyone will go with me this time or if I will just go by myself. I could use some recharging and I know that fall in the Ozarks is just what I need.

Happy Unofficial First Day of Fall!

Balancing Act

2011-08-30T09:26:00.000-05:00

Goodmorning my friends,

I am sorry I haven't been writing much. My lil' broom closet has been a flurry of activity int he last couple weeks.

School started and both of my children started new schools. So we had orientation at both schools. So far I am loving their new teachers. My oldest has been struggling with making friends at her new school which was heart breaking to watch. But finally she has started playing with a couple girls and one of them lives in our neighborhood.

My youngest also turned 5 the week school started. So birthday party had to be planned and implemented. All I want to say is Chuck E. Cheese is the best place for a kids party but an adult could almost lose their sanity there.

I am also in the process of getting ready for my 5k. I am running about 2.5 miles and I would like to up to 3. But time is running out. I have only 19 days left before it.

On top of all of this, I have started being a permanent employee at the company that I was working as a temporary for the last 3 months. And apparently, getting hired permanently brings on new job duties. So on top of being the Office Manager, I am learning to be a purchasing manager. Hey, a girl could always use a couple more skills under her belt.

Even though I have been really busy, I haven't had that frantic feeling. It's been nice. I feel like I may be getting that balance that I have needed for a while. I have also picked up a book at the bookstore that I am reading. Now I am not reading it as fast I used to read but I am making myself take a little time out of my day to read one chapter. I am reading Game of Thrones. It sounds like a great series and so far I am loving it. I heard that HBO has started a series based off the books so I may try to watch it after I have at least one book read.

Well, I am going to go for now. I hope everyone has a fantabulous day.

Blessings,

Ana

The Dream that Turned My Dreams Off

2011-08-15T22:07:00.000-05:00

I saw the fight between a friend and a young kid. I saw my friend at his house. I saw my friend walk up to a truck and open the door. I saw him grab the young kid. I saw the kid grab a shotgun. I saw that kid pull the trigger and I watched my friend fall to the ground. I could hear the screams. I could hear the ambulance. I sat there paralyzed unable to scream, unable to talk. I felt the tears fall from my face. I watched the paramedics work on my friend in the ambulance. I watched the doctors at the hospital trying to revive him. I saw my friend take his last breath. I then woke up in the hotel I was at with my boyfriend.

I told my boyfriend what my dream was about. He told me to go back to sleep and he would be back. Then the hotel phone rang....it was my sister. She asked me if my boyfriend was there, I lied and said yes. She then told me that my friend had died. She didn't know the particulars but that I needed to come home. When my boyfriend returned, I told him about the call and we rushed home. We went straight to our friends who had been there and when they started telling us what happened. The chills went down my spine. My boyfriend looked at me in shock and told our friends what I had dreamed about. I knew details that no one knew until the day the kid went to court.

After that day, I quit remembering my dreams. I never related the two until the last year or so when I started on my path. I believe I block out my dreams because I don't want to see or feel that way again. Just in the last year, I have started slowly remembering my dreams. I have had a lot of deja vu moments but so far nothing like that again.

Blessings,

Ana

Running With The Pigs

2011-08-09T10:18:00.000-05:00

On September 17th, I will be running with the pigs. Alright, maybe not running with real pigs but I just signed up to do the Hillbilly Porkchop Roundup River Run 5k. It will be a day of playing in the mud and will test my endurance and of course humility. This 5k will be my first so why not do one that will be lots of fun.

I used to run about 15 years ago. I was running up to 5 miles a day but life and children got in the way so I quit running. Then not to long after my melt down, you know the one that I posted here, I went out with some friends. And there she was (cue evil bitch music), my nemesis. This is the girl that my first husband had an affair with. It has been almost about 10 years since I saw her last. She still looked exactly like she did back then. She still had that tiny figure. I have never felt insecure around women but for some reason this woman intimidates me. I went home that night and looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. So the next morning, I woke up and decided it was time to lose some weight.

I bought a scale and stepped on it for the first time in a long time. I weighed 130lbs and for my small 5'2" tall tiny frame, it didn't look good on me. I then downloaded a program called Couch to 5k on my phone. This program is a 9 week program that by the end you should be doing a 5k. I also downloaded some great music and away I went. Oh yea, did I mention that I also gave up any drinks with sugar in them. I gave up sodas and sweet tea. Yep, I am now among the water and unsweet tea drinkers. I also changed my eating habits. I wasn't going to give up my favorite foods. I am just not that dedicated. I had read somewhere that most people eat till they are full but they should eat till they are not hungry anymore. So that is what I do now. It took some getting use to but now I don't have to think about it. But as of last week, I now weigh 112 and if I do say so myself, I look damn good.

I didn't want that girl to be my only motivator. So I decided that I was going to buy a bikini as soon as I reached my goal. And I bought my bikini right before 4th of July.

Oh and about that girl, I saw her a couple weeks ago and that was the first time she didn't intimidate me.

My New Journal

2011-08-08T13:27:00.001-05:00

Hello Friends,

I hope everyone had a great weekend. My weekend was ummmm.....let just say, I caused a little mischief and laughed so hard this weekend that my sides are still recouping. But enough about that.........................

Many many many moons ago, I use to write in a journal. I would write in it just about every night. Some days they would be well thought out ramblings then other days, they made no sense at all. I quit writing in them when someone that I trusted read them. Talk about someone knowing all your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It sucked. I don't get people like that. How do you pick up someones diary or journal and read it? Wow, I am still holding resentment that I didn't realize was still there. Note to self: let go of old resentments. But anywho......I decided to start writing in a journal again. I needed a private outlet. So off I went to my favorite bookstore. (Gotta love BAM) I was looking for a journal that spoke to me. You know the one that says "PICK ME! PICK ME!" But I want it be a constant reminder that I need to write my feelings down. I bet I stared at the wall of journals for an hour then I walked around and looked at other books. Then I went back to the wall and said to myself, "Ana, just pick one". (Oh wait that shouldn't be in quotes since I don't call myself by my blog name) I grabbed a beautiful blue one and then AHHHHHHH (my musical sound effect ) there it was, the journal that I knew I had to buy.

This picture has so much meaning for me. If you look at the top, there is a hawk/eagle (not sure which one) but it means healing and guiding. Then we have the butterflies on the bottom which they mean transformation coming. ." And if you notice the woman ( I know she is hard to miss) but she looks like she is on a journey. Yep, this book was meant for me.

I know that this journal will help with the healing process and will also help clear my head of all the clutter.

It was nice visiting with you again. And as they say in the south. "Come back now, ya here!"

Blessings,

Ana

Hello Friends

2011-08-04T21:52:00.000-05:00

Welcome back to my little broom closet. Come on in and have a seat. I have tea brewing and it should be ready any minute. It has been a long time since I have chatted with you. I have so much to tell you and I will get to everything in due time.

I am under construction. I am rebuilding my life and in the process discovering who I am. There are going to be good days where I can see the finished product. Then there are going to be those days where I would much rather call a demolition crew. So I am not going to promise that every post will be all sunshine and daisys.

Well, look at the time. I have taken up enough of your time today but please come back. I always enjoy the company.

Blessings,

Ana

Karma is a Bitch!!

2011-03-14T09:47:00.000-05:00

And apparently I have pissed her off. Somehow, somewhere, sometime I have done something that karma is now taking it out on me.

A year ago if you told me my life would be like this, I would have laughed at you and said no way. I never thought I would be a single mom at 40, unemployed and living with my parents. It gets harder everyday to get myself out of bed. And it is getting harder to put on a happy face for my family and friends. And because I don't want my girls to see my upset, it takes what little strength I have anymore to make it through a day when they are with me. Is it bad that I can't wait till they go to their dads? See....this is where I am at this moment.

I am sorry that my blog has turned into one pathetic vent after another.

Save Runestone Park

2011-03-08T15:47:00.000-06:00

I don't know if any of you remember my post about Heavener Runestone Park. I wrote about it last year. That One Little Thing

It has come to my attention that the state of Oklahoma is closing parks all over the state and this is one of the parks that is being marked for closure. I am heartbroken. Not only is this park beautiful and a great hiking trail but it has a great historical marker.

When you start down the trail of this park it takes you to a building. In this building they have a rock that has rune symbols carved into the stone. They encased it to protect it from the elements. It is an amazing place to be. What will happen to this rock? Will they leave it there to be vandalized by people who don't understand the historical significance?

If anyone is interested, they have started a Facebook page. Save the Runestone

Different Kinds of Friends

2011-03-04T14:34:00.001-06:00

I was listening to the radio the other day and these ladies were talking about the different kinds of friends a mom needs in her life. As I was listening to them, I was realizing that this should hold true to anyone.

So here is the list:

1. The "in the same boat" friend - this friend is the person who's life almost mirrors yours. And you talk about the sames ups and downs you both are having.

2. The "been there done that" friend - this is usually an older friend who has already gone through the phases you are going through.

3. The "party" friend - the friend that you can live vicariously through. The one person that you don't have to have a heavy conversation with.

4. The "glam" friend - the friend that will give you fashion and makeup advice. They always look good no matter what time of day you see them.

5. And my personal favorite....The "hide the body" friend - this friend is the one that when you are pissed off or if you are hurt by someone, they will offer to bring the shovel.

I would like to think that at one time I have been one of these friends to someone. Okay, maybe not the "glam" friend but the others. I treat my friends like I want to be treated. Many times my friendship has been taken advantage of but I wouldn't take back anything I have done for that friend.

Friends are so important. They come and go in your life for a reason. Some are there to teach you lessons and then some are just there to give you that support that you need at the time. Then there are the one's that stay around for a lifetime.

So to all my friends....I love you and appreciate all you have done for me.. <3
Blessings,

Ana

A Rough, Winding, Uphill Path

2011-02-27T09:27:00.000-06:00

The last few months have been a struggle for me. I found myself on a path that seemed like it was going to never end. For some of my friends, I had fallen off the face of the earth. And there were days, I wish I could have.

Then the week I turned 40 something changed in me. I spent the first part of the week having the most pathetic pity party. Here I was unemployed, me and my girls are living with my parents, and just feeling lost. But on my birthday, I decided to get my cards out. Not just my Faery Oracle set, I got out my Heart of the Faery and my Mystic Faery Tarot. I wasn't sure what I wanted to ask them or if I would even get a reading out of them since it had been so long since I had used them. But I did a small spread and used all three decks, that was a first for me also. I got an amazing reading from them. I am not going to tell you about the reading because it wasn't really the reading that helped me, it was the fact that I still got a great reading. It was empowering.

So then I got back online, I chatted with a friend, and you know who you are. I hadn't told anyone how I was feeling or how low I got at this point till then. She listened to me and then gave me the "suck it up" speech and get back on my path.

That is what I have been doing. I have been spending so much time meditating. Grounding myself and healing myself. I didn't realize how dark my life had gotten.

Here is the amazing part, only after a week of trying to heal and pull myself together. I have gone on two job interviews. I was offered one of the jobs but because they wanted me to work certain hours, I would never get to spend time with my children. I had to turn it down. I don't know about the second interview yet but I felt really good about it.

So there you have it.....this is where I have been. I don't think I am on the downside off the path yet but I don't think it is to far off.

Blessings,

Ana

Three Awards

2010-10-24T09:18:00.002-05:00

I want to thank Aine at The Deepest Well and Willow at Confessions of a Country Witch who have bestowed upon me 3 wonderful awards.

There are rules to these awards so let's get them out of the way.

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award. CHECK

2. Share 7 things about yourself. CHECK

Seven things about myself

1. Total strangers will tell me their complete life stories especially their relationships.
2. I tend to downplay my problems so that I don't have to talk about them.
3. I have a serious addiction to the Robin Hood and King Arthur stories. I own just about every movie ever made about them. By the way, Russell Crowe is by far the hottest Robin Hood so far. =)
4. Just recently got fired because "You are not happy here, we are not happy with you and you don't fit in". When in reality I was fired because I was looking for another job.
5. I love meeting new people and always try to meet someone new when I go out.
6. I like fried Cheerios.
7. I like to watch most sports especially hockey

I also got an award from Starseed at The Earth Tales of a Starseed Spirit Witch .

I want to thank everyone for the awards. I am blessed and honored that you would choose me.

Wild Women Weekend Part 2

2010-10-12T15:37:00.000-05:00

During my Wild Women Weekend, we went to a little town called Eureka Springs. I love this town. (Oh yea, I mentioned it here.)
Before I ramble on about my visit, I want to show you the hitchhiker we picked up.

This little guy jumped on my windshield at the top of White Rock and traveled down the mountain for about 10 miles before he decided that he was at his destination. He was such a good sport to allow us to take his picture.

I won't bore you with all of the shops that we went to. I will only tell you about the one that we spent most of our time at. Crystal Waters Before you ever get through the doors, you can feel the amazing energy from this shop. Then you are greeted by Josie and a calm just goes over you. She has such amazing energy. Can you tell I love this shop? I saw a little statue of an eagle. I told Josie I had to have it. I proceeded to tell her my love of hawks and eagles and how they are always coming near me. Then we began discussing tarot cards and oracle cards. She then showed me a set of cards called The Power Deck by Lynn Andrews. These cards are a meditation deck.

These are just a few of the cards from this deck.

She had me pull a card and the one I picked was the one with the lone eagle feather. We both thought that was very interesting considering we were just talking about hawks and eagles and my love of them. Then I read what that card meant. In short the card was talking about tackling my fears and letting go. Being reborn. Which was part of what this weekend was for me. It really didn't take much coaxing for me to buy this set after that. And after a rough day, this deck seems to soothe my soul. I bought a few other things and if I had a ton of money, I would have bought so much more. (note to self: save duckies for next trip)

Also in her store, there is a lady named Lisa. She has amazing energy also. She reads cards called Shustah. She has been reading with them for 20 years. I had her do a reading for me and I won't go into great detail because I feel that it is personal. But OMG, she was spot on. It was a wonderful reading and she even told me things that deep down I already knew about myself. I will definitely be going back and have her read me again. Here is her site for anyone that might be interested. Intuitive Readings by Lisa Dawn

One last thing.....for anyone interested, I am thinking of doing a Wild Women Weekend again next year. Haven't decided if I am going to do it at White Rock or decide to do it at Eureka Springs.

Blessings,

Ana

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-11T19:18:00.000-05:00

IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS! Witchy Notions

Now back to your regular scheduled blogging.

Finally Pictures from My Wild Woman Weekend

2010-10-10T19:48:00.000-05:00

Sorry it took me so long to post these. I have been so busy since I got home.

This is where the Wild Woman Weekend began. White Rock holds a very dear place in my heart so it was a great place to go and unwind and reconnect with nature.

This is the cabin we stayed in. It wasn't as primitive as staying in a tent but let's just say many little critters live here.

This little guy hung outside our window most of the first night. And at one time, you could see him bobbing his little head to the music.

The view from the back of our cabin. Wasn't the moon beautiful that night?

The path that leads to the pavillion and bluffs.

The view after you got to the pavillion.

The beautiful sunrise. You know you have to get up really early to catch a sunrise and it was well worth it.

This beautiful creek by Shores Lake. We picked up quite a few rocks there.

I hope you enjoyed these pictures as much as I enjoyed being there.

COMING TO AN ETSY STORE NEAR YOU

2010-10-07T08:46:00.000-05:00

Witchy Notions .....OPENING SOON!

Welcome to My Comfy Lil' Broom Closet

2010-10-06T08:26:00.001-05:00

I wanted to welcome new followers to my blog and say hello to everyone who was already following me.

If you haven't already gone to Mrs. B's blog for today's giveaway, one of my round alter/tarot cloths is up for grabs. Confessions of a Pagan Soccermom

I am sorry that my blog has been a little neglected of late but it is because I am getting my Etsy store ready. So I have been busy sewing. The store will have alter cloths, tarot cloths, tarot bags, beautiful BOS's and much much more. So stay tuned because the grand opening will be soon.

Blessings,

Ana

31 Days of Halloween

2010-10-01T08:31:00.000-05:00

I love this time of year and I am excited that so many of my bloggy friends do also. Mrs. B at Confessions of a Soccer Mom is having a great blog party. Everyone needs to head over to her blog for her 31 Days of Halloween. She is doing great giveaways. (One of my alter cloths are going to be given away sometime during the 31 days) She also has great guest bloggers and let's not forget the blog tour, where you get to visit other bloggers.

Here is the link..... Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom

Let the party begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ana

Time Is Going By To Quickly

2010-09-23T09:04:00.000-05:00

I'm late! I'm late for a very important date. No time to say hello, goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.

This is how I have been the last few weeks. I have had so much going on that I feel like I don't have time for everything. Maybe the more appropriate picture would be a chicken with its head cut off.

Did anyone notice that I have 101 followers? When I started this blog, I never thought anyone would really read my ramblings. But 101 followers? WOW. I appreciate all of you that read it and I love reading your comments. You guys have become part of my family.

My weekend getaway was amazing. I have a few pictures to show you and some stories to tell. But first I need to download the pictures which I can't seem to find the time to do. But I will soon.

The Etsy store is almost ready to go. We are working out the kinks and deciding what to sell and also the prices. Our attentive date for the opening is Monday the 27th. Yes, that means I will be busy this weekend setting up shop.

Have a blessed day!

Ana

Mabon Blessings

2010-09-22T20:18:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone has a wonderful Mabon.

My Distraction

2010-09-13T20:26:00.001-05:00

I have been a little distracted lately but definitely in a good way.

I have been planning a Wild Woman Weekend. This Friday, I will be heading here.

And can't wait to watch the sun rise and sun to set from this view.

And I will be staying in this wonderful cabin.

This weekend will be a no-technology weekend. They don't get cell service so darn I won't be able to answer my phone. There is no wi-fi so no distracting computer. This weekend is about me and connecting with nature.

I can't wait to sit on the bluffs and watch the sunset and the sunrise. I can't wait to see the moon in all her glory without the city lights interfering with her beauty.

I plan on taking my camera so I will have lots of pictures to share.

So excuse me if I seem a little distracted lately.

Blessings,

Ana

Wild Woman Wednesday

2010-09-08T09:26:00.000-05:00

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain. - Anonymous

Does anyone want to dance in the rain?

Thanks to Tropical Storm Hermine, Arkansas is getting some much needed rain. The leaves were already starting to turn and not because it was time but because of the lack of rain.

I woke up this morning in a great mood. Hearing the rain just made me want to get out in it and dance around in it. And who knows, maybe tonight after work, I just might do that.

Also, tonight is the new moon. The new moon is about new beginnings, starting over, a clean slate so to speak. This is a great time to banish negativity, seek inspiration, and attract love or money.

For this Wild Woman, it is going to be more of the new beginnings and banish negativity. These are two things I have been working on.

New Moon Blessings to everyone.

Ana

My Weekend Roundup and Some Ramblings

2010-09-07T13:45:00.000-05:00

My My My! What a busy weekend I had. I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day Weekend.

I spent the first part of my weekend up in Northwest Arkansas.

The first two pictures were taken right before you get into Eureka Springs

These last three were taken at a place called Lost Bridge.

If you have never visited Northwest Arkansas, I would encourage you to do so. It has some of the most beautiful areas in Arkansas. I would also encourage you to visit Eureka Springs. Downtown Eureka Springs has many shops owned by local artists and there are some great Pagan shops there as well.

Sunday was a little more relaxed for me. I worked on an alter cloth that I will be selling in my Etsy store once I get everything panned out. It turned out better than I expected.

And Monday, I was just plain lazy. But I did get my cards out and did a small reading for myself for the upcoming week. I have to say, I was very pleased by what my little faeries had to say to me.

In the next few weeks, you will see some changes on my blog. I want to update it a little. The title will be the same but the blog will be different. I was excited to see that my blog has reached 95 followers. When I reach 100, I am going to do a giveaway.

Well, I think that is it....hope everyone has a great day.

Blessings,

Ana

Handmade Book of Shadows

2010-09-01T21:28:00.000-05:00

I am so excited to share with you something that a my ex-husband made for me. He made me my own personal Book of Shadows. The design on the front is from picture I have been wanting to get a tattoo of. Inside the book is my initials and he also put my lucky number 13 on the bottom of the back cover.

Now Before he made mine, he made one for himself and I thought I would show it off as well.

Are these not beautiful? He is so talented and creative. He is going to allow me to sell the next one he makes in my Etsy store.

Wild Woman Wednesday

2010-09-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

I don't know of any person that is perfect. We all have our flaws but being able to admit them is a very humbling experience.

Someone that I once wanted to date told me the reason we didn't was because I was "to much work". He said he got tired of trying to get me to let him in. I would love to tell you that this was a complete and total shock to hear but unfortunately this is one of my biggest flaws. I keep everyone at bay so that they can't hurt me when they leave. I am afraid if I show vulnerability that they will walk all over me and stomp on my heart. I don't think there is one person who can say they know me completely. Which now I see is sad.

I have often given out advice to my friends when they tell me that they don't trust. I usually give them my "if you don't let people in, then you might miss out on the one that will make all the difference" speech. Great line, huh? You would think that I would take my own advice. There lies another one of my flaws.

"I was a wild kid, and I'm still a wild girl. I need to be free to let my hair down. I have to be free to drink, fail in a relationship and be an imperfect human being. I want to screw up" - Drew Barrymore

I saw this quote in section that comes in our Sunday newspaper. The article was an interview with Drew Barrymore. I am a big fan of hers not so much of her acting (which I like) but more of the fact that she has defied the odds of being a drugged out child star to getting her life in order. She has overcome so many obstacles and has done it under a magnifying glass. She shows amazing strength. She is a true Wild Woman

I think we all need to be more like her. We need to realize it is okay to mess up, it is okay to be an "imperfect human being".

I challenge each of you to take a look at one of your flaws that you would like to change and work to make that change. I am also going to take this challenge and make some changes in my life. Like I have said many times to my friends, "if you don't let people in, then you might miss out on the one that will make all the difference". It is high time for me to take my own advice.

Just Some Jibber Jabber

2010-08-31T09:39:00.000-05:00

August will be over after today and I am glad that it is over. This month has been full of trials and tribulations for me.

September looks to be a busy month for me. School has started so I have been busy helping my oldest with her homework. I will be doing a lot of sewing this month because I attempting to open an Etsy store to sell my alter cloths and tarot bags. I am a little nervous about opening it up because I am afraid that it won't do well. But once I get it up and running, I will do a giveaway.

Speaking of giveaways......

I am proud to say that I am going to be a sponsor. So stay tuned....

One Flaw In Women

2010-08-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

Women have strengths that amaze men.....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give..

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Full Moon Blessings and Some Jibber Jabber

2010-08-24T14:50:00.001-05:00

I hope everyone enjoys the beautiful full moon tonight. I am taking tonight to bask in her beauty and feel her energy.

I may be on a small hiatus which shouldn't last that long. I just moved in with my parents and me and my children are trying to adjust. Plus my boss is finally making me earn my paycheck. (how dare he?!?!) So right now my time is very limited. But I hope to be back real soon.

Blessings,

Ana

Wild Woman Wednesday

2010-08-18T08:17:00.000-05:00

I am struggling with this post today. I haven't had the best couple of days. If I'm not crying then I am on the verge of crying. I wasn't feeling the whole "wild woman" vibe. Then I took a long soaking bath, closed my eyes and just relaxed. Then the post came to me.......

Even a wild woman has days that she would like to hide and not come out until everything is right in her world. That is when she needs to do some recharging.

First, get out of those clothes that you have been wearing all day. They just wreak of the emotional negativity that you have been carrying all day.

Second, take a hot soaking bath. Imagine all your problems, stress and whatever else is bugging you to wash off you.

Third, get into your most comfortable pair of jammies. Mine is a pair of sweatpants that I have had since I was 18. Yes I know they are 21 years old but they are just now broken in they way I like them.

Fourth, grab some comfort food and your favorite beverage. Mine would be a Caramello that has been sitting in the freezer and a Sprite.

Then settle down on your couch, comfy chair or bed and right before you turn on your favorite movie or favorite tv show, close your eyes and take even breaths. As you inhale, say to yourself positive energy in and as you exhale say to your self negative energy out.

Now you should be able to relax and forget about your worries for a little while.

I hope everyone has an amazing day today.

Freya - Goddess of Love and War

2010-08-13T06:00:00.002-05:00

I felt it was only fitting that I would do a post about Freya on Friday the 13th. Since some believe that Freya was the source of the name Friday. And one of her symbols is the number 13.

Freya is a Norse Goddess. The daughter of Njord and Herta. She leads the Valkyrie on battlefields, taking souls of noble warriors killed in battle to Valhalla. She claims half of the warriors and takes them back to her home to live out their afterlife and because of her generous and kind nature, she will invite their wives or lovers to join them.

Freya joined the Aesir after being taken hostage and there she taught them to how to make charms and potions. Teaching them about magic. She is the one who led Odin into the world of magic.

Cats are sacred to Freya. She has two large cats that pull her chariot and she often uses cats to carry messages for her. Feeding stray cats or adopting them will keep you in her good graces.

She was and is deeply respected and loved by many in the Pagan community. And at one time, women who were to be found honoring her were branded "witches". Due to the fact that some her traditions and practices were about magic, which the christian community found sinful.

She can manifest herself in any form because she is a shapeshifter but usually she is seen as a beautiful, blonde, blue eyed woman.

One of the ways to communicate with her is through runes. But she loves poetry and songs also.

And one more little tidbit. According to some legends, she was quite the little vixen. Her sexcapades are legendary.

REFERENCES:
The Goddess Freya (www.goddessgift.com/goddess-myths/goddess-freya.htm)

Lady Freya (www.goddessfreya.info/about_freya.htm) **warning this site has some adult content****

Encyclopedia of Spirits by Judika Illes

A Smile Brightens Up Your Day

2010-08-12T09:17:00.001-05:00

"Attitude Adjuster: When you smile at someone, nine times out of ten the other person will smile back and you've made two people's day brighter and better." Source unknown - quoteland.com

I work in an office that the women are so negative and they are always talking about each other behind their backs. I am usually the one they are talking about because I don't share to much of my personal life with the office. I pretty much do my job and then go home.

Since I am working on getting rid of the negative thoughts in my life, I decided that I would start coming to work and smile a lot. And today, one of the girls came in my office and said that she noticed this week that I seem to be happier and then we proceeded to have a pretty nice conversation. She asked me a lot of personal questions trying to figure out why I have been so happy but even though she didn't get the answers she wanted, she left my office with smile on her face. So it like the saying "smile, it will make people wonder what you are up to".

What is odd about me not smiling at work is that outside of work I smile all the time. I smile at strangers, friends, and family. I have been told before that even when I am upset, I still smile. I guess I was letting all the negativity here at work tear me down but not anymore.

I truly believe that smiles are contagious. So today smile at the postman, clerk at the store, or the woman or man in the car next to you. That smile may bring a bright spot to their day.

Blessings,

Ana

Wild Woman Wednesday

2010-08-11T09:16:00.000-05:00

"Be brave enough to live creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself." -Alan Alda

Who would have thought that I would find a quote that resonates with me from Hawkeye Pierce from Mash.

Sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone to find out who we truly are. Many times our comfort zone is more about what we want people to see us as and not who we really are. It is also our safety net. As long as we stay in our comfort zone then we keep hurt and fear at a distance.

As a Wild Women, we need to create who we are. We need to find that place where we are being the women we want to be. And living our lives like we want to live and not what society believes we should be.

Take the time this week and step outside your comfort zone and see what amazing adventures await you. You never know, you might look in the mirror and see a brand new woman or even a woman that you use to be.

Blessings,

Ana

The Disease Called Negativity

2010-08-09T08:28:00.000-05:00

Do you know one of those people that no matter how bad things seem to be they are always chipper and happy? I want to be one of those people. I want to relax and believe that even when it seems like things are not going my way that there is a silver lining.

I have been thinking a lot about all the negativity in my life. Some of it has been from friends, co-workers, family and the majority of it was coming from me.

I have allowed so much negativity to eat at me lately like a soul eating disease. Little by little it was whittling away at my soul. I was starting not to recognize myself. And the last few weeks, I have decided that I want to change all that. The "poor woe is me" act was starting wear thin. It was time to take action and the only way I could do this is change my way of thinking.

To start off, I am letting go of grudges. I didn't even realize that I was holding grudges. I was holding on to the fact that someone had wronged and instead of working through it. It is the old adage of forgive and forget. I would tell them I forgave them but I never truly forgot about it and there it would sit just bubbling waiting for this person to slip again and then all of it would come back. This is going to be a work in progress because I need forgive the one's who did me wrong and just forget about what they did.

Another thing I have let effect me lately, is allowing other people's perception of someone form my opinions of that person. I use to pride myself of not being one of those people that did that. But as much as I hate to admit it, I have allowed this also.

The last one is saying negative things whether it be about a person, the weather, my job, etc... I am going to try to say one nice thing when I catch myself saying something negative.

Now Rome wasn't built in a day so I know this will be an uphill battle. But I am going to make a fighting effort to change my attitude. Now please don't mistake this as I am going to let people walk all over me. That is not it at all. I am just going to banish all the negative things to another place so that it won't control me.

Crafty Kind of Mood and Dark Moon Blessings

2010-08-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

I was a very busy witch this weekend. I had made up my mind that I was going to make the alter cloths that I had bought the material almost a year ago. A friend was over to help and what turned into one turned into many including a couple extra projects.

This is a rectangular alter cloth.

After making the rectangular one, I decided to try my hand at a round alter cloth. It turned out better than expected.

This is another rectangular one I made for a friend of mine. You can't really see the design on the red but there is one.

This was my first attempt to making a tarot bag. After making this one I already see what I need to do differently.

These are for my girls. I made two small doll blankets for them.

So as you can see I had a very busy weekend. But now that I have gotten my creative juices flowing, I have so many ideas running through my head.

Wild Woman Wednesday

2010-08-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

I have decided to start doing a Wild Woman segment on my blog. I am doing this for many reason but the main reason I am doing this is because I need to remind myself that I am a "wild woman".

So what is my definition of a Wild Woman? She can be anyone. She is strong and independent. She is stronger than even she knows. She faces her fears. She doesn't allow someone to decide her self worth. And she isn't afraid to step outside her comfort zone.

Each week I am going to step outside my comfort zone and do something that I normally wouldn't. It may be something as simple as eating dinner alone or it might be jumping out of an airplane.

Stay tuned.............RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep it is Monday

2010-08-02T09:19:00.001-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Lammas.

My weekend didn't quite go as I planned. But that is ok, I will find a way to have one of those lazy weekends.

I started my morning doing a exercise program called "Couch to 5K". I use to run about 5 miles a day many many many moons ago and I am so out of shape now. This is a great program to get you back into running and doing it at a good pace so your not over exerting yourself. One of the reasons I love to walk and run is that I can clear my head.

Well I need to get back to work.

Have a blessed day.

Blessed Lammas

2010-08-01T19:31:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone is enjoying their day.

WOOOHOOOO

2010-07-30T08:55:00.000-05:00

Friday couldn't get here fast enough for me this week. I have so many things going on that my head is spinning and I need a break from everything.

I have made my list of things that I want to do this weekend. I want to read a book or two, watch a movie or two, lay around in my jammies all day, do some crafty things......the possibilities are endless.

Everyone have a blessed weekend.

Baby It's HOT Outside!

2010-07-29T10:15:00.000-05:00

I love summer. Or at least I love the beginning of summer but when the temperatures get in the upper 90's or the *gasp* 100's. Then I am begging for fall to get here SOON. But that is where we are this week. The temperature today is 94 with a heat index of around 100. Then over the weekend the temps are supposed to be 102 and I don't even want to think about the heat index. It is going to be so hot outside you will be able to fry and egg on the sidewalk.

With the sun blazing, I can't help but think about this card from my Faeries Oracle set. This is Solus and when getting this card it can mean knowledge, consciousness or spiritual empowerment.

With everything that has gone on, I am in dire need of some spiritual empowerment so I think that is just what I am going to do this weekend. I am going to relax and make this weekend about me and my goddess and god.

Hope everyone has a blessed weekend.

Life is Good

2010-07-21T08:51:00.000-05:00

"When you enjoy the presence of yourself, you love yourself not because of the way you are, but because of what you are. The more you love yourself, the more you enjoy your life, and the more you enjoy the presence of everyone around you. - Don Miguel Ruiz."

I found this quote in a book I have called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and have read it over and over again.

I have spent a lot of time alone. I did this for many reasons but mainly to find out who I am. This journey of self-discovery has not been an easy road for me. It seems I take three steps forward and then stumble back. Some days the stumble might be one step and some days it seems like I stumble back ten steps. But I am starting to see the woman I want to be. I have accepted that this path I am on will have many twists and turns and possibly a few more forks in the road but I am skipping down it with no reservations.

Have a blessed day.

This Wild Woman is BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-20T08:27:00.000-05:00

So I am finally back. I haven't moved yet because I am procrastinating moving. But I have decided to come back to the blogging world which I have missed so much.

The last few months have been trying but I knew that I would persevere. And I am ready to get back to studying my path and working closely with Mother Goddess again. She has never been far from me during this trying time but I will admit, I lapsed in honoring her like I should.

I will post some more later and catch you all up on what I have been doing. But now I need to catch up on my blog reading.

Have a very blessed day!

Good Morning Everyone!

2010-06-10T10:21:00.001-05:00

It has been almost a month since I had stepped away from my blog. Even though I wasn't blogging, I was still reading everyone's blogs.

So much has gone on in the last month for me and my family. I am finally finding my center. It has been a long time. Going through my divorce and everything else going on in my life just through me off kilter. I had to do a lot of thinking and did some serious meditating. And during this process I have made some tough decisions about my life. I won't go into great detail of some of my decisions because I some of these are very personal and I am not ready to share.

One of the thing I was struggling with is the loss of some friends. I didn't realize how much I counted on these people to get me through my day. And now that they are gone it has been tough getting back to where I am relying only on myself to get me through my day. In a way them leaving has made me stronger. I had forgotten what it was like to stand on my own two feet and not be leaning so much on others.

One of the decisions I made was that I am going to sell my house. Me and my children are going to move in with my parents. My parents are elderly so they need someone to help them around their house and well I can use some help myself. But here is the problem, my parents are christian and do not know that I'm not. So being in the broom closet is going to get a little smaller. But I am willing to make that sacrifice because my parents need me right now.

Also recently, my 18 year old nephew underwent a kidney transplant. I am so amazed by modern medicine. He had his surgery Saturday and was able to come home on Wednesday. He will be homebound for about 4 weeks then he should be able to get around. I had gotten sick right before this happened and because of my cough, I have been unable to see him.

Well anyways, I am back. I am going to try to post more regularly again.

Have a blessed day.

Just A Couple Things....

2010-05-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

I wanted to let everyone know that I have deleted my Facebook account. I have been thinking about it for a while and decided today that I would do it. It isn't because of anyone or anything in particular just not wanting to have it right now.

Secondly, I am stepping away from my blog for a while. I need to some time to sort things out. But I will return soon.

Blessings to all.

Hello Friends!

2010-04-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

I wanted to stop in and say hello and to let you know I am alive. I have been spending some time outside and doing a lot of thinking.

My divorce will be final this coming Monday the 26th. So this has been weighing heavily on my mind. I know that this is what I wanted but ending this chapter in my life has been a scary for me.

I have also been spending time getting back with nature. It has been beautiful outside and me and my girls have been out there as much as we can. It is bringing out a different side of me.

My spiritual side is awakening and I have to say it has been an amazing ride. I have never felt closer to Mother Goddess as I do right now. She has been my strength and my confidant while I took this hiatus from blogging. She is helping me realize that being alone isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Well, I will try and blog more. But until then have a blessed day.

My Heart and The Wiccan Rede

2010-04-02T08:11:00.000-05:00

One of the things that had drawn me to being Wiccan was the Wiccan Rede. The first time I read it, it spoke volumes to me. I know it was never meant to be rules but to be guidelines but I try to follow it as best as I can.

Your probably wondering what this has to do with my heart. I have a good, gentle heart. I hate hurting anyone or anything. Even when people treat me badly, if they need me for anything I am there for them. I can't turn my back on anyone. I did alot of that in my younger years and the grudges I held just ate at me. So I refuse to allow that now.

Another reason I am bringing this up is that I want anyone who reads this to know that I truly believe in Karma and the the three fold law. I handle my problems in my own way. I don't use magick to try to fix them. I am also not going to have someone else do anything for me either. It hurts me to think that someone who knows me to think I would.

Sorry for this rant but my feelings have been hurt recently by someone thinking that I would hurt someone.

Wild Women Unite!

2010-03-25T08:56:00.001-05:00

I am still on my Wild Woman kick so you will have to bear with me. Who knows this might be a new thing for me to talk about every week.

I wanted to share with you a book that I bought quite a while ago that I think is a good book for every Wild Woman to have in her library. It is called Magick for the Wild Woman: A Sassy Spellbook for Women Who Want it All by Marian Singer. When I need a pick-me-up, I can grab this book and read a little bit of it and feel so much better. The humor in this book is amazing and I just love it. It has spells, affirmations, and all kinds of recipes. The sad thing about this book is that it is out of print now. I bought it used when I found it.

Here is one of the spells from the book that I find so uplifting.

Goddess, bless my feet to stay firm on the path of beauty.
Goddess, bless my legs that they will not lead me astray
Goddess, bless my center of gravity, to build strong foundations
Goddess, bless my heart that I might give and receive love freely
Goddess, bless my vision to see promise and potential
Goddess, bless my mind that I might hear and see your messages
So be it.

ROAR!!!!!!!

Next Generation of Ghost Hunters

2010-03-22T10:10:00.000-05:00

I am the first to admit that I love watching Ghost Hunters on the Syfy channel. I have been watching them for years.

This is the conversation between me and my oldest when I was watching it.

Oldest: Mommy, what are you watching?
Me: Ghost Hunters
Oldest: What is that?
Me: They hunt for ghosts (can't really explain the whole debunking thing to a 5 year old)
Oldest: They do?
Me: yes

So she sits down and didn't move for two hours. She was mesmerized.

Oldest: We need to get one of those things with numbers on it.
Me: We do?
Oldest: yes and one of those boxes that light up so it will be easier for me to talk to my ghosts.
Me: *giggles*

The next morning as we were getting ready to leave for school.

Oldest: We have to watch that show every Wednesday.
Me: Ok, we can do that.
Oldest: I know what I want to be when I grow up.
Me: What's that?
Oldest: I want to be a ghost hunter.

This is a perfect career for her. She has been seeing ghosts since she was around 18 months to 2 years. We have a little boy that lives in our house. I know some of you are thinking that he is make believe but I don't believe that. She has called him a ghost since day one. She can even describe his clothes which are like early 1940's style and how many children that age know about clothes like that.

So who knows, my oldest might end up being the next generation of ghost hunters. It makes a mamma proud.

So does anyone know where I can get an EMF reader?

Wild Woman - Part Two

2010-03-19T09:56:00.000-05:00

Since I still have my little Wild Woman attitude, I thought I would share another Brian Froud creation that just oozes with attitude.
This is Tink and she is from his Heart of the Faeries Oracle set. As you have already guessed, he named her after the infamous Tinkerbell from Peter Pan. And you can see why. Don't ya love a faery with an attitude? LOL

I am not sure what has gotten into me the last few days. I want to be silly, giddy, play practical jokes, sarcastic (big surprise here). I just feel so free and happy. More than happy almost euphoric. I have that extra little kick in my step. That little bit of attitude.

I am making me a Wild Woman list (bucket list) of things I want to do. I want to step outside my box and enjoy life to the fullest. I will post my list as soon as I get it started and mark things off as I do them.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I know this Wild Woman is going to.

I am a Wild Woman....Hear me ROAR!!

2010-03-18T09:51:00.000-05:00

Doesn't this card just make you want to stick your tongue out at her. She is another card from my Brian Froud Faeries Oracle set. She is the Green Woman. When I look at this card I see a wild woman with that little bit of attitude. I just love her.

So I am going to embrace my "wild woman" for a little while or maybe I will keep her around for a long time. ;-) Who knows.

ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T09:16:00.000-05:00

Yep that is me about 1/16th Irish. But on this day, I celebrate like I am full Irish. I love St. Patricks Day. I really can't explain why but this day just makes me happy.

So I hope today everyone get a little luck of the Irish.

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!!
Irish Blessing found at Island Ireland

I Love the Game of Tag!

2010-03-15T11:41:00.001-05:00

Apparantly there is a new game of tag hitting the blogosphere. My dear friend from Antics of a Tameran Witch tagged me.

The rules go like this:
Open your first photo file
Scroll to the 10th photo
Post the photo and tell the story behind it
Tag five more people

This picture is of a creek by my favorite thinking place. I sat many hours by this creek when I was debating on the fate of my marriage. I loved closing my eyes and hearing the water.

Now for the people I would like to tag.

1. Faerwillow at Serendipity - I love looking at the pics that she chooses for her blogs.
2. Moontides Many of her pictures are breathtaking.
3. Spiritphoenix at The Fire Deep Within. Just because I love her blog and would love to see some pictures.
4. Inannstar at Ramblings of a Domestic Goddess. Her pictures are amazing.
5. Moonwolf at Howling at the Moon. She is another blog I just love to read.

Make Believe or Real?

2010-03-15T10:25:00.000-05:00

Have any of you wondered if the people and creatures you played with as a child were make-believe or if they were real? As a child, we are told time and time again that faeries and such are not real. But we all know that a child's mind is so open and raw that they can see things that we as adults may not be able to or want to.

Being the baby of the family and my siblings being much older than me, I spent much of my time alone. Or at least that is what my parents assumed I did. What I did was I made up my own little world with my own little friends. I had one in particular that spent most of my alone time with me. He was a little boy named Corbet. I am not sure at what age Corbet showed up but he stayed a constant in my life for many years. I never talked to him unless I was alone but we would play for hours and go on many adventures together. Corbet also became my confidant. I would talk to him when something bothered me and he always gave me good advice. I cried to him when my parents told me we were moving to the place we live now. I was seven at the time and I didn't understand at all why we had to do this. But Corbet let me know it would just be another adventure. I also remember when I thought I was to old to have make believe friends anymore. I sat down with Corbet and explained to him that it was time for him to go. I cried that day just like he was real.

So was Corbet just my imaginary friend or was he something else? Was he a guardian of sorts, a ghost perhaps or even a faery? Or was he just someone I made up because I had no one to play with?

AWWW SHUCKS!

2010-03-12T09:36:00.000-06:00

Two people have bestowed upon me the Beautiful Blogger Award. My dear friend from Antics of a Tameran Witch who without her I would have been taken away by the guys in the white coats and from Moonwolf at Howling at the Moon. Thank you both so much for this honor.

Naming only seven of my favorite things will be hard because I love so many things....

1. Thunderstorms....Like you didn't know that already.
2. Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate
3. My girl's smiles. Their smiles are what get me through my day.
4. Movies and books about King Arthur, Robin Hood, Ivanho, etc.
5. The smell of wood burning.
6. The mountains. Nothing is more relaxing than going to the mountains and just sitting on the bluffs and meditating.
7. Dragons

Now I am supposed to bestow this award to 15 people that I think are deserving. The problem is I follow much more than 15 people because I love all their blogs. I have learned so much from each one. So I am choosing not to award this to only 15. I am going to award it to everyone I follow. So if I follow you, then you are a "Beautiful Blogger".

Tis the Season for Storms

2010-03-10T09:12:00.001-06:00

I woke up this morning and before I turned the tv on or even looked outside, I could feel the energy in the air. Plus with my personal barometer (headache), I knew that we are in for some severe storms. And sure enough, this afternoon we are to have some severe storms.

Spring is probably my most favorite time of year. I love the whole "comes in like a lion and out like a lamb" of the season. I almost get giddy when I hear the weather reports talk about severe storms. I don't like the one's that spawn tornadoes even though I would love to see a tornado going through a field just once. But give me some good ligthening and thunder and I am on cloud nine. I have been known to sit outside on my porch and watch the storms come in.

I was thinking about what elements are represented during a storm. Lightening could represent fire, the wind represents air, the rain represents water. But could thunder possibly represent spirit? And what about earth? Since the rain comes from the clouds absorbing the water from the earth, could earth be represented here as well?

Those of us that are going to have severe weather today, please be safe.

Conversations with Myself

2010-03-09T06:10:00.000-06:00

My weekend was pretty busy. I traveled 2 hours to go see George Strait, Reba McEntire and Leann Womack. Best concert that I have been to so far. Ok, maybe it was the best since I had not been to a concert in over ten years. But it was a great concert. And all I can say is George is like a fine wine, he just gets better with age. *drifts off daydreaming*

Sorry about that, I got distracted. LOL

But what I was saying is that I drove 2 hours both ways by myself, which means I had a lot of time to think and run things through my head. I have always said I did my best thinking on road trips. They relax me and let me get my head clear. I give myself little pep talks and I also scold myself for bad behavior. If someone recorded my conversations they would think I was nuts.

I have had a very heavy heart lately. I am struggling to find myself and seeing who I am; compared to who I thought I was and not wanting to become someone I am not. I am holding onto the past so tightly because I am afraid of the future. I have even digressed back to old habits. Like talking to my first ex-husband. To quote a good friend "an ex is an ex for a reason". I so see that now. He was just comfortable like an old pair of jeans but then you realize that they have a whole in the ass and you know you can't be seen in them and it is time to throw them out.

On my two hours on my way to the concert, I talked to myself about what I wanted out of life and how I could accomplish it. Going back and forth about what I needed to do to achieve these goals. And yes this conversation took the whole two hours. But hearing myself say things aloud is very therapeutic.

Then on my way back, I spoke to Brigid I talked to her about what was laying on my heart. I asked her to help me and guide me. I also asked for strength. By the time I got home, I felt like I was at peace at some decisions I made and some decisions I am going to make.

Getting to Know My Witchy Side

2010-03-05T11:05:00.000-06:00

I have seen this questionnaire on different blogs and I thought it would be a great way you to get to know a little about my witchy side.

Do you have a magical name?
I guess Anastasia Blue would be my magical name as of right now.

Does it have a special meaning?
I came up with it so that I could hide in my closet. But the name Anastasia is a name that I have always loved and blue is my most favorite color.

How did you find Wicca/Paganism?
A friend of mine is Wiccan and very open about it. So one day I asked to borrow a couple books so that I could learn more about it. I read I don't know how many books and was amazed on how I felt the same way.

How long have you been practicing?
Almost 2 years

Solitary or group practitioner?
I am solitary but would love to find some like minded people in my town so that I have people I can talk to about my path and bounce ideas off of.

What is your path?
Right now, I have no clue. I am exploring the different paths and I know the right one will jump out at me when it is time.

Are you out of the broom closet?
nope hence the Deep Inside My Broom Closet LOL. I have been a little more open about in the last few months but because of the close-minded town I live in, I don't want my children to be ridiculed because of my beliefs.

Gods/Goddess

Who are your patron Gods?
Odin. He and I connected almost instantly.

Who are your patron Goddesses?
Freya and Brigid.

Which Gods/Goddess' do you worship?
I don't worship them. I pay my respects to them and honor them.

Do you fear dark aspects of the Gods/Goddess, or rather, respect them?
I respect the their dark aspects. I truly believe there is not light without dark.

Do you worship the Christian God?
I respect those who believe in him

Do you ever worship animals?
no

Or plants?
no

Nature

Do you regularly commune with nature?
I try to as much as possible.

Ever walked barefoot in the woods?
yes and can't wait to do it again.

Taken a camping trip just to talk to nature?
nope but going to this year

Describe the moment you felt closest to Mother Earth?
I feel closest to Mother Earth when I am on top of this one mountain. It is an amazing place and it is peaceful and quiet and I can just sit there and connect with her and all her beauty.

What is/are your power animal(s)?
not sure on this one yet. Will have to get back with you on that.

Do you have a familiar?
yep my little Gune

Have you ever called upon the powers of an animal in ritual?
no

Or a plant?
no

Do you hug trees?
yes they are so huggable

Give them gifts?
yes

What is your favorite flower to work with?
I don't have a favorite I work with but tulips are my favorite flower

What is your favorite tree to work with?
Cedar and Oak

Wheel of the Year

What are your favorite holidays?
Halloween and Imbolc

What if your least favorite holiday?
Don't think I have a least favorite

Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday?
yes

Ever taken a day off work to celebrate a pagan holiday?
no not yet

Do you celebrate Yule on the 21 rather than the 25?
21st because the 25th is reserved for family

Have you ever felt the Veil thin?
yes

Ever danced the Maypole?
yes, but didn't really know what it symbolized until I became a witch

Know what the Maypole symbolizes?
Yes.

Ever made love on Beltane?
no

How do you usually celebrate the pagan holidays?
reflecting and meditating

Divination

Do you use Tarot?
a little

Do you use runes?
yes they were my first form of divination and I love them

Do you use a pendulum?
nope but would like to

Do you use dowsing rods?
No.

Do you use astrology?
don't understand it

Any other form of divination?
no

Spells

What was the first spell you did?
protection

What was the latest?
protection

Ever done a love spell?
nope

A job spell?
nope

A healing spell?
yes

What was the most powerful spell you've ever performed?
I would say my protection spell. I did it for my family and my house.

Cryptozoology

Do you believe in Vampires?
energy vamps yes. Blood sucking vamps NOPE

Werewolves?
No.

Shape shifters?
in a spirits sense

Elves? Faeries? Dragons? Nymphs? Sprites? Mermaids? Sirens? Satyrs?
yes (does that make me weird)LOL

Angels?
yes

Ghosts/Spirits?
most definitely

Ever "seen" any of the above?
I have seen a ghost or two

Ever talked to any of the above?
No.

Ever called on any of the above in magic?
no

Do you have one of them as a personal guardian?
No.

Random

Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon?
?? no, am I supposed to?

Own a cat?
No, he owns me.

When you meditate what does your sacred/safe place look like?
I am not sure what my safe place is because when I meditate, I am usually seeing things through a pair of eyes like I am flying.

Do you work with Chakras?
would like to

Do you believe in soul mates?
most definitely

Ever met one?
yes

Do you have a Spirit guide?
yes, but I don't think I have met them yet

Is it always love and light?
no

Feel free to copy and share.

My Oracle Cards

2010-03-01T08:21:00.001-06:00

I have shown you a few cards from my Brian Froud's Faeries Oracle set. I love this set. It was given to me by a good friend who thought they would be perfect for me. And after many months of not connecting with them, I finally have and it has been a wonderful journey with them.

This set has made me aware of Brian Froud's work. I love the way he draws the fae and makes them look so realistic. How he draws them are how I always imagined fae to look like. Here is his site if any of you are interested. World of Froud

Now on to my new love.

When I found out that Brian Froud was releasing another set, I just knew I had to have them. So I pre-ordered them without seeing what they would look like. I got them and WOW!, they are just as beautiful as my other set.

I have already connected with them and the readings I am getting from them are so spot on and amazing. But these are just like my other deck, they don't cut me any slack at all. They have a bigger attitude than my other set does. LOL But that is ok, I love that about them. But unlike my other deck, I believe these fae are willing to be used to help others.

I will share more about both these decks in the future.

Affirmations

2010-02-26T08:17:00.000-06:00

I don't know if any of you noticed under the title of my blog, I have started posting daily affirmations. Some of these I have found on different websites and some I just thought of on my own. But before I have posted the affirmation, I meditate on it and decide if it is what I need for the day.

Since I am working on uncluttering myself, I knew that I needed to rid myself of the negativity that has been spewing from my mouth. As most of you know, we are our own worse critics and I was constantly giving myself the two thumbs down. Well not anymore. When I catch myself feeling sorry for myself or I say things like "I can't" or "I don't", I am going to turn it around to say "I can" or "I do".

I am even going to take it one step further. I am even going to quit being so negative about other things also. Like the weather for example. I am ready for spring and the snow in the forecast last night didn't quite make me happy. But instead of dwelling on it, I wrapped myself and my kids up in blankets and we snuggled together. You can't do that when it is 100 degrees outside, now can you?

Well, I hope everyone has a beautiful day. I know I will!!!

My Best Furry Friend

2010-02-24T10:29:00.001-06:00

I want to introduce you to my best furry friend. This is Gune (pronounced goon). He came into my life when I had been trying to get pregnant for over a year. He is my constant companion. When I am home, he is usually right next to me. He hardly leaves my side. And like me, he is a talker.

I use to think that he was a stoner in a former life. He loves incense. He will stick his nose where the smoke will go by it and just inhale it. He has gotten so close to it before that he has burned his nose.

When I am getting ready to do a ritual, he is right there with me. He will sit by my alter during the whole process. And when I am working with my runes or cards, he sits next to the cloth I put them on. On occasion he has touched a card or rune and I of course look at it closely to see what it might say.

I wanted to share him with all of you since so many of you have shared your fur babies with me.

Why Would I Want Out?

2010-02-22T06:07:00.000-06:00

Why in the world would I want to step outside my broom closet? Why would I want those looks? You know those looks of disgust, disappointment and yes even pity. Why would I want to lose friends that I have counted on when I needed someone to talk to?

The reason I want out of my broom closet is because I just don't feel like I am being who I am. Now I don't want to just scream at the top of my lungs that I am Pagan. But when someone asks me why I don't go to church, I want to be able to say why I don't. I don't want to hide it.

Yesterday, I went to lunch with a friend that I thought out of all of my friends, she would be the most open minded. It isn't like we haven't discussed things like religion before and she seemed to be respectful of other's beliefs. So when she told me that I needed to start going to church because she felt I needed it while I was going through my divorce. I first stammered around, telling her that I no longer felt comfortable in a church. Which then led me to blurt out that I was Pagan. The look she gave me just cut me to the bone. Then basically she ended our lunch date abruptly. She wouldn't even discuss it with me. I have to say this hurt me.

So as I slink back into broom closet, I have to remember that she is just one person. But I think right now, I will lick my wounds and just go back to keeping it to myself.

My Circle

2010-02-19T10:00:00.000-06:00

I haven't shared much of my path with any of you. I guess it is because I am so new to my path and I lack the confidence. Well, I have decided that it is time to put on my big girl panties and start being more confident in my path. I mean it is my path and how I choose to follow it is up to me.

I am going to share with you my circle. I spent many hours going over how I wanted it to be and exactly what I wanted to say to open and close it. I read so many books that I almost confused myself. (which isn't hard) But I finally came up with a way that I wanted to do it that I liked. But I will say it has been tweaked quite a bit since doing my first circle over a year ago.

Preparation:

Since I am a solitary and in the closet, I do this when no one is home. I first clear the space that I am going to use. This includes getting all the toys and clutter picked up in the room. I then vacuum the space. Maybe this is a little OCD but I just like to have a nice clean space to work at.

I then get my cedar box out that houses some of my alter things. I get out my alter cloth and lay it across the box and start building my alter. I am a HUGE candle person. I use a silver candle to represent the Goddess and a gold candle to represent God. I also put any other candle I may be using and it depends on the color on what I am wanting to do. I also lay out the rest of my alter things, for example: offering bowl, bowl of sea salt, bowl of spring water, and my pentacle.

Then I get my candles to mark my quarters. I have a different color candle for each quarter. For the east, I use a yellow candle. For the south, I use a red candle. For the west, I use a blue candle. And for the North, I use a green candle. I put these far enough out that I can sit between them and work without getting burned.

Starting my circle

And when I am finally ready and I know I have everything I need, I sit down and I ground and center myself.

I then say " Here is my sacred circle. Only love shall enter in and only love shall be within its boundaries."

I light a taper candle and light my east candle saying "Guardians of the Watchtower of the East. I invite you to guard my sacred space and protect it from any negative force that may try to enter."

I then light my south candle saying "Guardians of the Watchtower of the South. I invite you to guard my sacred space and protect it from any negative force that may try to enter."

I then light my west candle saying "Guardians of the Watchtower of the West. I invite you to guard my sacred space. and protect it from any negative force that may try to enter."

I then light my north candle saying ""Guardians of the Watchtower of the North. I invite you to guard my sacred space. and protect it from any negative force that may try to enter."

Then I invite the Goddess and God join me in my sacred space.

After that I then honor the Goddess and God and do whatever ritual I have planned. I have even worked with my runes and tarot in my circle.

And when I am done, I close my circle but that is for a different post.

Back to the Beginning

2010-02-18T15:51:00.000-06:00

On the first of October, I posted my Seeking Guidance. This post was brought on because I had pulled the Bodacious Bodach card from my Faeries Oracle set. This card was telling me that it was time for me to "Tidy up my clutter - physical, mental and emotional."

I would love to tell you that I have been working on this diligently but I would be lying.November went by, then December, then January. I was falling into that same rut that I had been in before that post. Then I spent two hours on Imbolc talking to the Goddess and not just any Goddess as I had done before on the Sabbats. This time I was specific because I felt she had been showing herself to me and I wasn't seeing it until then. I spent those two hours honoring Brigid, meditating and just connecting with her.

Now I think I am ready to really start the uncluttering. Each day I am going to start with an affirmation. And because my time is limited I am going to make sure I spend 30 minutes to myself each day. Which means I might have to give up some tv time but I know I will feel better. I also want to start working with my cards and runes again. And with spring just around the corner, I will be starting my first herb garden.

Well here goes starting over.........

39 Years Young

2010-02-16T08:55:00.000-06:00

Yep that is how young I am. I am 39 years young as of yesterday (February 15th). I have a some wrinkles and some gray (that I cover up). But that is only on the outside. Inside I feel like I am in my early twenties. I refuse to let a number hold me down. I have never been one to dwell on age. I mean it is going to happen and there is nothing I can do to stop the aging process. So why not embrace it!!

And it is so nice when your family helps you stay young. I had dinner with my parents and my children Friday and this is the cake my parents had waiting for me.

Being Crafty

2010-02-10T20:28:00.000-06:00

I was really busy this weekend being crafty. First of all I made my kids Valentine cards because I didn't like any of the ones I saw that store. They are nothing special but my kids thought they were pretty cool since I made them myself.

Then I finished up a project I had been working on for a few weeks. I got the idea from Nydia at Bringing Up Salamanders. She had made them for her Etsy shop.
They are runes made of felt. Now mine are no where near as good as hers but I did try. Her stuff is amazing. I want to make more in different colors. I think these will be good to carry in my purse.

Imbolc Bleessings to All

2010-02-02T09:13:00.000-06:00

Before I went to bed last night, I was spent. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. But I am not sure what happened in the night. I woke up this morning and I felt rejuvenated.

With today being Imbolc and I feel like Brigid is telling me I should especially pay attention to today. I am taking that leap of faith so to speak. I believe that Brigid is here to help me through this tough transition that I am going through and that she will give me the strength and courage to get through the trials and tribulations that I will go through in the next few months or even this year.

So today is like my rebirth. Starting today, I am going to find out who I am. This journey will be hard and long and I know it won't be without tears. I will come out of this a better woman, mother, daughter and friend.

Imbolc Blessings to all my friends!!

The Omen

2010-01-29T10:34:00.000-06:00

Wednesday night when you stepped outside, this is how you saw the beautiful moon.
This picture was taken by a newspaper photographer named Kaia Larsen.

The ring around the Moon is caused by reflected sunlight and from ice crystals in the upper atmosphere.

The myth is that when the rings appear then bad weather is coming. And so here we are in the middle of Winter Storm Warning in my state and surrounding states. Most places are seeing sleet, snow and ice. So far my little town has been saved but they said it was supposed to be here this afternoon.

So I guess seeing the rings was just an omen to what was yet to come.

What Imbolc Means to Me This Year

2010-01-27T10:23:00.000-06:00

Imbolc (February 2nd) is about rebirth and renewal. It celebrates the wakening of the Maiden.

I feel like I can relate to Imbolc this year and all it represents. My life is changing and I am changing along with it. I am getting a divorce and having to start over. I am finding out who I am spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I feel like a flower just poking out of the ground to start to grow and eventually bloom.

Brigid has been trying to make herself known to me in the last week. I have woken up many mornings thinking of her first thing. As most of you know, I don't remember my dreams as hard as I try. But nonetheless, I am trying to listen to what she has to tell me. And since Brigid presides over Imbolc makes me believe that she is trying to tell me the Imbolc is very important to my spiritual path.

Mother Moon It Is ALL Your Fault!!!

2010-01-26T21:20:00.001-06:00

I came home today and checked my mail and sitting on my porch was a box. I couldn't wait to open it up because I knew it was from Mother Moon. I had won her January Blue Moon contest. I thought I would share with you all the goodies she sent me.

And here is where it is Mother Moon's fault. She also sent me this book. I haven't put it down until I decided I would blog about it. And if you don't mind I am going to disconnect my computer and read some more. LOL

Thank you Mother Moon!! I love everything you sent me.

Waving My Winning Beauty Pageant Wave......

2010-01-26T15:24:00.000-06:00

I am truly blessed that my dearest friend over at Antics of a Tameran Witch has nominated me for the Kreativ Blogger Award. This is my second time to be nominated since I started this blog and I am just as excited to get it this time as I was the first.

Seven Rules:

1. Thank the person giving the award.
2. Copy the award to your blog.
3. Place a link to their blog.
4. Name seven things people dont't know about you.
5. Nominate seven other bloggers who you admire.
6. Place a link to these bloggers.
7. Leave a comment on their blog notifying them of the award.

Seven Unknown Facts about Me!!

1. I am a hockey fan! GO STARS!!!

2. I have had rabies shots because of a raccoon I became friends with when I was 5. He never actually bit me but they did it for "safe" measures. Yea I bet they just enjoyed torturing a 5 year old with all those damn shots in the stomach.

3. I did a past-life regression that was the most amazing, scary and intense thing I have ever done. I want to do it again sometime.

4. I started reading when I was 4 and was reading highschool level and some college level books by the time I was in 5th grade.

5. I use to sing karoke.

6. When an ex boyfriend was killed, I dreamed about his death the night it happened and how it happened exactly like I was there. I didn't know it really happened until the next day.

7. My closest and dearest friend lives across the country from me and we have never met. (but will soon) LOL

Seven Nominations!!!

I am not going to nominate anyone because I love everyone's blogs that I read so I couldn't just pick seven. So with that, I nominate everyone that I follow. And if I don't follow you, let me know and I will start.

Just Some Jibber Jabber

2010-01-21T20:24:00.000-06:00

My house has been sounding like a tb ward the last week. Me and both my girls had picked up nasty colds. And during that time I managed to get the flu. Good news is I think we are on the mend. I hate this time of year around here. It seems me and the girls get our colds the same exact time every year. I think it is because the weather changes so drastically. For example, we had temperatures in the single digits last week and then this week we had almost 70's.

But I did have a bright spot today. I won Mother Moon's Message Blue Moon Giveaway. I was pleasantly surprised. I can't wait to get it in the mail.

Well since I pretty much have been sick for the last week, this is all I have to say for now.

I GET IT!!

2010-01-14T11:15:00.000-06:00

On the day that I talked about masks, I pulled this card from my oracle set. Do you see what the guy is holding? Yep it is a mask. He has taken it down to reveal himself.

This card is about finding your innerself and not being afraid to show it. Seeing the beauty of oneself.

I have been pulling a card a day lately from this set and this week the theme seems to be inner strength, inner beauty....well you get the idea. So my faery friends are trying to tell me something and now I finally get it.

And let me show you who showed up today. He is about self-pity, self-destruction, and self-defeat. And how I need to take care of myself.

So as you can see even the faeries are not giving me a break this week.

The Woman Behind the Masks

2010-01-10T20:37:00.000-06:00

"I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
and what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am"
Lyrics to song Reflection by Christina Aguilera

I have many masks that I hide behind and it is hard to take them off. There are times I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the woman I see in the reflection.

I have my "Everything is fine" Mask. This is the mask that I wear all the time. I don't like for anyone to see me hurting or even look weak. I have worn this mask for so long that when I told people that me and my husband were separating no one could believe that there were any problems.

I have my "Cold Hearted Bitch" Mask. This is the one that I wear when someone crosses me. I also wear this one when I don't want anyone to know how hurt I am.
I use this one the most to protect my heart.

Then there is my "Religion" mask I avoid all conversations concerning religion. And so far no one has asked me point blank if I am christian because I believe that everyone in this town assumes that you are a christian. I know this is hypocritical to wear this mask but until my children are older, I will hid behind this mask.

As I am working on uncluttering my soul, I know that these masks will need to come off and stay off. This is very hard for me. I have never liked showing vulnerability. But I want people to see me for who I am and as long as I wear these masks, no one will truly see me.

Read All About Her

2010-01-07T19:25:00.000-06:00

I want to introduce you to a new blog. It is called Antics of a Tameran Witch. I think you will enjoy her antics as much as I do.

Fluffy Bunnies

2010-01-07T12:30:00.000-06:00

I am pretty sure this isn't what people in the Pagan community are referring to when they talk about fluffy bunnies. To be honest, I am a little confused on exactly what a "fluffy bunny" is and maybe some of you can enlighten me. But because I have heard this term thrown around with the terms of new people to the path, it saddens me. I feel that can discourage people. I know for me it lowers my confidence and I don't get involved in discussions that I so badly want to because I am afraid of being called that or being ridiculed for not knowing as much as the next person. I will be the first to admit that I no where have the knowledge that some do but I am trying to learn. And just because someone elses interpretation might be different than someone elses doesn't make them less knowledgeable. So what I would like to see is the term "fluffy bunny" to go back to what is was originally meant to mean. You know that cute bunny at the top of my post.

That One Little Thing

2010-01-03T13:48:00.000-06:00

I only have a few friends where I live that know that I am Pagan. And most of them don't really talk to me about it or even listen when I talk about it. But one of my friends was listening when I didn't think they were.

They took me to Heavener Runestone Park. It is about an hour drive from my house. I have heard of it but have never been there. It was one of those places I wanted to go since I started my path but just didn't want to go by myself.

I could feel the energy of the place as soon as we pulled up. I can't really explain the feeling I had when I finally got to the building that housed the inscription. I couldn't take my eyes of it.

My friend allowed me to ramble on about runes the rest of the day. I don't think they realize how much I needed this outing or how much it meant to me to see that inscription. It is making me see that person in a different light. Even though this person doesn't beleive the way I do, they seem to understand how important it was to me.

I got the following information from Glomesdal.com "The Heavener Runestone is a twelve foot tall slab of sandstone that stands upright in a small ravine east of the town of Heavener Oklahoma. On the stone are eight clearly visible characters that resemble Viking runes. The match is not perfect; some of the runes are "variations" on the traditional futhark. These figures also closely resemble characters from other ancient writing systems, including some that appear to have been used by ancient North American natives.

The Viking theory has been exhaustively explored and promoted by local researcher Gloria Farley. Her book In Plain Sight describes her research, including the tale of the Heavener Runestone but also addressing other North American rock carvings. The transliteration of the runes, according to the Viking origin theory is G L O M E D A L and the translation of this is "The valley owned by Glome."

An alternate theory recently promoted by the Reverend Dr. Lee W. Woodard holds that the stone is a marker associated with the overland mission of Robert Cavelier de La Salle. This theory places the creation of the marker around the year 1687. Dr. Woodard has published his theories in the book entitled Secret La Salle Monument and Historical Marker.

Regardless of who carved the figures, the appellation of "rune stone" satifactorily describes this enormous monument. The state of Oklahoma created a park to preserve the runestone. Visitors may now examine the stone year round inside a special building built over the stone."

Blue Moon

2009-12-31T17:59:00.000-06:00

Just a little Blue Moon humor.

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Full Blue Moon Blessings to Everyone!!!

Happy New Year!

One Little Word 2010

2009-12-30T06:00:00.000-06:00

I have done this on a blog that I use to have and I decided that I was going to do this on this blog. I would love it if you guys would join me. If you decide to join me, please leave me your blog so I can check it out.

One Little Word was started by a Ali Edwards in 2007 on her blog. You can go to One Little Word 2010 by clicking on the link.

"Essentially the idea is to choose a word (or let it choose you) that has the potential to make an impact on your life.
Maybe you want to invite something or maybe you are hoping to subtract something. Maybe your word will be practical or hopeful or creative or fanciful. Maybe you need a big word, something in-your-face that will challenge you everyday. Maybe you need something smaller and quieter that will whisper gentle tidings as you make your way throughout the year.
Whatever word you end up with, make sure it is your word (not your sister's, mom's, partner's, child's, etc). You can share it publicly or keep it close to your heart." by Ali Edwards

My little word is PERSEVERANCE. I chose this word because I know that the next year will have many obstacles for me. But in the end I will get the happiness I deserve.

Two different paths

2009-12-29T05:00:00.000-06:00

Many people are blogging about their resolutions for the upcoming year. Like most, I make my resolutions but rarely do I stick with them. But because of what is going on in my life with my upcoming divorce, I have decided that I want to make some resolutions. I have thought long and hard about what resolutions I wanted, for the ones I make could make a huge difference on my life.

Like the picture above, I could go left on my path. The left side is well lit, feels familiar and comfortable. If I go that way, my resolutions will be the same they are year after year. Now the the right side is foggy and not so clear, uncertain and most definitely scary. This is the path I have decided to take this year. So here are my resolutions for the upcoming scary adventurous year I would like to have.

1. Be a more patient mom. I am a "yelling mom". I want to stop being that way. My kids deserve better.
2. Not have a closed heart after my divorce.
3. Start an herb garden (some plants will die in my quest to have one but they won't die in vain. LOL)
4. Cook healthier foods for me and my children
5. Spend more time outside with nature.
6. Take time each day for myself even if it is 15 minutes
7. Lose 15 or so pounds
8. Meet some of my Pagan online friends
9. Go to a Pagan Meetup or start one in my town (now wouldn't that just be a kick in the booty for this little bible belt town)
10. Be more confident
12. Teach my children about nature
13. Turn this blog into something more than just a venting space.
14. Quit cussing so much (sailors have nothing on me)

Ok, I know that none of those sound really adventurous but this year is my first year as a single parent. So I think that will be pretty adventurous in itself.

Yule Blessings to All

2009-12-21T09:53:00.000-06:00

Yule Blessings to all my friends new and old. May the new year bring you happiness and love.

Another Road in my Path

2009-12-14T09:35:00.000-06:00

The one thing I love about my path is all the new roads it takes me. I know that my blog hasn't been about anything really related to my path. So today I thought I would tell you about the new road I am taking in my path that I am excited about.
Yes as you can see I am going to start studying up on herbs. I have already started buying some and I bought my first mortar and pestle the other day. And in the spring, I am going to attempt to make an herb garden. The reason I say attempt is because I have the blackest thumb ever. I can even kill plastic plants.

I am unsure of the reason that this road is one I want to take at this moment. Maybe it is because plants make me feel that much closer to the Goddess or that I feel very calm when I am around them. Either way, I am skipping down this road like a giddy school girl.

On another note, I want to thank everyone with their kind words. Your words of kindness and support brought a little light into my very dark days.

Reaching Deep Inside

2009-12-11T11:09:00.000-06:00

Last night and today have not been good. I feel so empty and alone. I know I am not alone but still the feelings are there. I knew there would be some prices to pay for wanting a divorce but I guess I didn't realize how much.

So today I am reaching deep inside to find the strength I need. I need to show my children that I am a strong woman even though today I feel so weak. I didn't use to be this way. I use to be the one that everyone was able to come to and I could deal with anything that came my way. But not lately.

But since I am talking about strength, I wanted to share with you my favorite card from my Mystic Faery Tarot.

The first day I got my cards, I went through them and looked at each card. This card just seemed to jump out at me. I couldn't quit looking at this card. I thought the Faery was beautiful and I loved the dragon. I am also thinking about getting a tattoo of it once my divorce is final. But knowing me, I won't. I have a little fear of needles. But a girl can dream.

Yule Tag!!

2009-12-10T08:28:00.000-06:00

Rayden at Rayden's Rants tagged me for this little Yule survey. At first I was going to do it but decided to do it anyways.

1. Have you started Yule shopping yet? Yep! I am almost done. I need to pick up a couple more things for stockings and that should be about it for me.

2. Tell me about one of your special holiday traditions? Each person is assigned a person to buy an ornament. Then on Yule Eve, we open our ornaments and hang them on the tree.

3. When do you put up your tree? I put my tree up the weekend before Thanksgiving that way I can relax during Thanksgiving and just enjoy the good food and company.

4. Are you a Black Friday Shopper? Not just no but HELL NO! I went once with my sister and this lady hit me for a Scooby stuffed animal I was holding for my sister. People lose their minds that day. So I will pass.

5. Do you travel at Yule or stay at home? We stay at home. The grandparents are more than welcome to come and have dessert around 2 if they want. But I don't like the idea that my kids open their presents then have to leave and be gone all day. I want them to enjoy their presents.

6. What is your funniest Yule memory? When I was four, I woke up to a pair of boots stuck up in the fireplace. My siblings told me that Santa got stuck and left them there. At the time it was upsetting, I worried Santa's feet would get cold. But now I think it is hilarious.

7. What is your favorite Yule movie of all times? Miracle on 34th Street with Natalie Wood. I use to get up earlier than anyone else in my house and it seems like that movie was always on while I waited for everyone else to get up.

8. Do you do any Yule baking and what's your favorite treat? Do I bake?? OH yea!! I love baking. I make cookies, cakes and this year I am going to try my first yule log cake.

9. Fake or real tree? Fake...I always wanted to do real but allergies wouldn't permit it. But now that I am pagan, I wouldn't want real because of the waste. You cut down one of the trees to use for a few weeks then you throw it away. It just seems wrong to me now.

10. What day does the actual panic set in to get it all done? Usually the week of. I start worrying if I have enough presents for the girls. Worried I will run out of time. Not a pretty sight.

11. Are you still wrapping presents on Yule Eve? Normally no. Because my ex always had to work on Yule Eve, I am the one that does things with the girls that night.

12. What is your favorite family fun time at Yule? Watching the kids play with their presents. I could sit and watch them for hours. Then that night we go look at lights.

13. What Yule craft do you like best? We build a gingerbread house every year. And we decorate cookies. (would that be considered a craft?)

14. Yule music? OMG yes!!! I love Yule Music. I have all 6 cd spaces in my car with Yule Music. I have some of the old stuff like Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire and I have some of the newer stuff. I also for the kids have kids Yule music. But my all time favorite is Brian Setzer Orchestra. If you don't know who he is, he is the lead singer of Stray Cats from the 80's. I love his stuff.

15. Do you plan to finish all your shopping? Of course.

I know I am supposed to tag 5 people but I am afraid most of the people I would tag have already been tagged. So I will pass on this part. If you read this and you have not been tagged, please do this. I would love to hear how everyone else celebrates.

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks! It's going be a bumpy ride!

2009-12-07T09:39:00.000-06:00

I love this quote from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. And right now it is the the most appropriate thing to say about what is going on in my life.

I want to apologize for the mood swings. One minute I am so down and depressed and then I get optimistic. So sorry for the emotional whiplash.

Christmas is fast approaching and for my children's sake I am trying my hardest to be cheerful. I am slowly getting in the Christmas mood. I pulled out my Christmas cd's and played them in my car. This is usually my favorite time of the year but it is so hard to be cheerful with my life being turned upside down.

I did some tarot work last night and it felt good. I haven't wanted to touch my cards or my runes because of my energy being so wonky lately. I feel a surge of energy that I haven't felt in a long time. So I am going to try to dedicate a little time each night getting myself back in the swing of things.

Catching Up

2009-11-30T09:26:00.000-06:00

Since I haven't posted in a long time, I thought I would catch you up on what is going on with me. Some of this is very personal so please bear with me if this is long.

In the last few weeks, I have barely been able to function. The reality of my marriage ending is hitting me hard. I know that I am the one that is ending it but it is still hard. He has moved out finally and is living about 2 blocks from my house. The girls spent their first official night at his house last night. My youngest didn't want to go. She screamed, cried and wouldn't let go of me. Talk about ripping my heart out. My oldest, she couldn't leave fast enough. She sees this as an adventure. When we asked her if she understood what was going on she said that we were on a time-out because we were fighting all the time. I guess for a five year old that is her way of understanding it.

Thanksgiving was hard for me because I was with my family and my children were not with me at first. Plus, my family that didn't know had many questions for me that I was not prepared to answer.

Oh yea, and if I hear one more time how kids are resilient and will be ok, I am going to smack the person who says it. I understand that my kids will be ok and that they are resilient but watching their pain and knowing that this is hurting them at this moment is more than I can take right now.

Also, last week I started feeling bad. My back had been hurting for a while. Monday I was in a lot of pain so I went to the doctor and found out that I had a really bad kidney/bladder infection. She said I must have been sick for a long time as bad as the infection was. I have had these before but not like this. I could barely move. But I am starting to feel better and I go back at the end of this week to see if the infection is gone.

The whole month of November has pretty much been a blur to me. I am taking everything a day at a time. I know I am missing something but right now my mind is on overload.

Happy Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T09:57:00.001-06:00

I know for many people that Friday the 13th is a scary day for them. Not me!! I love this day. First off, I love the number 13. It has been my lucky number all my life. Then Friday, who doesn't love Friday. It is the start of the weekend.

I am not a superstitious person to begin with. I was raised with a black cat in my parent's house. My parent's were married on Friday the 13th and they will be married 50 years this spring. I don't knock on wood. I would walk under a ladder if I had to. The only reason I see not to is the fear of something falling on my head. I have broken countless number of mirrors.

So I welcome Friday the 13th. I hope everyone enjoys a blessed day.

The World Did Not Stop Turning

2009-11-10T14:50:00.000-06:00

The last two weeks I have been in my own little world. I have a lot on my plate and it just seems lately that my plate is overflowing. I am unable to take on anymore. My loss of sleep is starting to effect me at work and at home. Not counting my loss of appetite. I knew I wanted to lose about 10 lbs but not this way.

While I have been self absorbed in my own little world, the "real" world was still trucking along. A dear friend of mine had her breast removed because of cancer, another friend of mine's baby had major heart surgery, 13 people were killed at Fort Hood by one of their own and I know that there have been many other things that have happened.

I normally am one of those people that would much rather focus on other people's problems than my own. So is it wrong for me to want to step back and try to work on my problems? I don't want to be heartless but I am afraid if I take on anymore stuff, I will go insane.

Who Turned the TV On?

2009-11-06T19:25:00.000-06:00

For as long as I can remember, which has been years, I didn't remember my dreams. I know that everyone dreams but I never remembered mine.

Up until two weeks ago. It is like someone turned a tv on in my head. My dreams are vivid and when I wake up I can recall the whole thing. But because of this I am not getting any rest because I am waking about every 30 minutes during the night. I am excited that I am finally remembering my dreams but I am not excited on how tired I am since this all started.

I have started keeping a dream journal to see if I can find what some of them mean or if they mean anything at all.

Lists and Lists of Projects

2009-10-22T13:19:00.001-05:00

I have been a very busy little person the last couple weeks.

I have been laying hardwood laminate in a room of mine that I use to use for crafts. But it is also going to be where I will have an alter in my house. I am so excited because I will be able to have it out and not worry about who might see it if they come by the house.

I also got hired permanently at my job. Not only is this a huge relief but I am truly happy at this job. The people here are great and there isn't any of that unnecessary drama that many offices have.

I am also making a list of projects that I want to work on. I have a couple alter cloths are pinned and just need to be sewn together. I have also found a pattern to make little bags for tarot, runes and whatever else I come up with. Speaking of runes, the runes I spoke about that was given away on Mrs. B's blog well I didn't win them. But that is ok, because the lady who made them also gave us a tutorial on how to make them. So now I cannot wait to try my hand at making those.

Well sorry I haven't posted much but I will get back into the swing of things really soon.

MY PRECIOUS!!!

2009-10-17T15:46:00.000-05:00

Ok I am sounding like Gollum from Lord of the Rings but I can't help myself. Look at these Runes. I have to have them. I have to. I just have to. They are amazing and beautiful.

They are a prize on Mrs. B's Halloween Giveaway. I have never wanted to win something so badly.

Welcome to My Broom Closet

2009-10-10T23:54:00.000-05:00

Hello friends old and new. Come on in and have a seat. I have made some tea and cookies for us to share.

My name is Anastasia Blue but you can call me Ana. And welcome to my broom closet. Yes, that is where I choose to live until my children are older. As you are probably aware, Anastasia is not my real name. But I know you will forgive me for not telling you my real name. Other than that, everything on here is all me. I have two beautiful girls ages 5 and 3. And they keep me on my toes constantly.

If you would like to get to know me a little better, I did a post a few weeks ago called 20 Random Things About Me.

I would love to tell you what kind of witch I am but right now I am still trying to figure that out. I have only been on my path for a little over a year and I have loved every minute of it. Being raised in a christian home and not feeling like I fitted in, it was nice to find somewhere that I feel like I am complete.

Well I feel that I have taken up a lot of your time so have a wonderful day.

I want to thank Mrs. B for allowing me to be part of the Blog Tour. I hope all of you will come by and visit again.

Retail Therapy

2009-10-06T20:23:00.000-05:00

I am here at the beginning of my uncluttering. Boy am I a mess. I didn't realize how much I needed to do this.

I needed therapy, you know "retail therapy". So Saturday I decided that I was going to spend the day just spending time with just me. No one else, just me. I had someone keep the girls and off I went.

I drove up my favorite scenic highway absorbing the scenery. It was breathtaking as always. The leaves are just starting to turn. And with the fall temperatures, I rolled the windows down and breathed in the fall air, absorbing all the energy that the wind was providing me.

Then I went to my favorite bookstore and wasted about an hour looking over the books making mental notes of the one's I needed to add to my collection.

My next stop was the Pagan/Wiccan store. (don't get this store confused with the "sort of" Pagan store). This store has the most amazing energy and when you walk in you can't help but smile and feel at peace. I wasn't in there five minutes and the lady who had done my past life regression came up to me. We had a great talk about what had been happening since the day she did it. Before I knew it, I had been there for about 2 hours. I then walked around adding things to my basket, when I saw this

I picked it up and just knew I had to have her. Isn't she beautiful? Something about her made me feel good inside, almost giddy. So I purchased her along with some herbs and incense.

Then I did the unthinkable. I had dinner at a restaurant by myself. I know that many of you are thinking how that is not strange but for me it is. I never go by myself to eat. I can't stand not having someone to talk to. But I didn't care that day. I enjoyed my dinner and I had one tasty adult beverage.

On the drive home, I of course took that beautiful scenic route again, I glanced up at the full moon in all her splendor. And I smiled, and I mean a huge smile. I can feel the healing process beginning and it feels good.

Seeking Guidance

2009-10-01T18:06:00.000-05:00

I have been feeling a little disconnected. Disconnected from my family and friends; disconnected from my path. You could say I just didn't feel like myself lately. I was starting to sink into the dark abyss feeling sorry for myself.

So last night, I was reading Jupiter's blog The Lesson Card. I could have written that post myself in how I had been feeling lately. I proceeded to get my Faeries Oracle cards out. I don't use these cards very often because I have had a hard time connecting with them. But last night, something made me grab these instead of my other cards. I held them in my hand while I meditated, thinking about how I needed some guidance. I shuffled the cards and the card I pulled was the Bodacious Bodach card.

This faery likes to "fix things". He means well but usually ends up doing more harm than good. Instead of letting him "fix things" for me, I needed to "fix" them myself. As the book that came with my card says, "Tidy up your clutter - physical, mental and emotional."

This card spoke volumes to me. This is exactly what I needed to do. It was time to unclutter my soul, my life. It was time to unclutter myself physically, mentally and emotionally. And with today being the first day of October was a perfect day to start this. I know this will be a work in progress because I didn't get this cluttered in one day, this has happened over time. I will update all of you on my progress.

I want to thank Jupiter because I don't think I would have done this if I had not read her blog.

Also, I think I found my connection with these cards finally. I never used them for myself. I tried to use them for other people. But now I know these cards were meant for me to use for my own personal use. And I welcome that connection with open arms.

Elder Futhark Runes

2009-09-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

Almost from the beginning of my path, I was drawn to runes. I can't really explain why but I felt the connection with them almost instantaneously.

My friend gave me my first set which were made of rutilized quartz. The first moment I put them in my hands, I could feel the energy from them. I didn't want to put them down. I just kept touching them, looking over each stone carefully and memorizing the symbols.

That was the beginning of my obsession of sorts. I looked up everything I could online about runes and finding books to read about them. I wanted to understand them and be able to use the connection I felt with them to the best of my abilities.

I am still learning everyday about them and I know they have so much to teach me.

Sadly, I lost Nauthiz in the set that my friend gave me. I was devastated and worried that the connection wouldn't be the same with another set. But after searching for a new set for a few weeks, I bought a set made out of sodalite. They are stunning and the connection was still there. Now I want to make a set out of cedar or rowan.

My First Blog Award - I am honored

2009-09-24T18:15:00.000-05:00

Or should I say doubly honored. I was nominated by Rayden Darklighter at Raydon's Rants and Rowan Silverstar at Candles & Wicks for this wonderful Blog Award. Thank you so much for nominating me.

Here are the award rules:

1. Thank the person who gave this to you. CHECK

2. Copy the logo and place it in your blog. CHECK

3. Link the person who nominated you. CHECK

4. Name 7 things about yourself that no one would really know. CHECK

5. Nominate seven 'Kreativ Bloggers' CHECK

6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate CHECK

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them. CHECK

Whew! 7 things about me. I thought the 20 I already posted was hard and not coming up with 7 more is just as tough. But here we go.

1. I love any kind of Sweettarts. They are my weakness more than chocolate

2. My cat Gune was a stoner in a former life. Okay maybe not but he has an addiction to incense. Anytime I light any kind of incense he will sit where the smoke across his nose and will close his eyes.

3. I enjoy going antiquing. I can spend all day at antique stores and not spend a dime and love every minute of it.

4. I don't remember my dreams. It has been years since I have remembered one.

5. I have a form of insomnia. I can fall asleep fine but I don't stay asleep. I have days with only 3 hours of sleep total.

6. I take benedryl every night because of my problem with staying asleep. I worry that one of these days I will find out that taking that much benedryl is doing harm to my body.

7. When someone asks me what book I am reading, I have to say which one. I am always reading at least 3 at one time. 5 is the most I have read at one time.

Here are my nominations:

Bex's Hexes

Crazy Squirrel Lady

The Witch I Want To Be

Merlin's Magickal Mistress

I Am Not A Wiccan

Lizzie's Logic

The Whimsical Cottage

20 Random Things About Me

2009-09-24T09:30:00.000-05:00

Bella from Wanderings of a Wondering Mind posted this on her page and thought it would be a great way for you to get to know me.

1. I am the youngest of six children. There is a 20 year age difference between me and the oldest and 7 years between me and the next youngest.

2. I was conceived after my father's 3rd tour in Vietnam. Yes I was an oops.

3. I sometimes buy a bag of seasoned croutons and eat them like I would a bag of chips.

4. I was told at age 25 that my chances of conceiving were about 5%. 7 years later I conceived my oldest with no help from drugs or surgery.

5. During my cowboy phase, I learned how to rope to impress a guy.

6. I met my soon-to-be ex-husband when I was 12 but we didn't start dating till I was 30.

7. My soon-to-be ex is not my first husband. I was married to my first husband for only 9 months when I was 22.

8. When I get nervous, I start rambling on about absolutely nothing.

9. I have been known to stay in the bathtub and read for up to 2 hours. Of course, adding hot water when the water started getting cold.

10. I have a Pez dispenser collection with over 300 Pez dispensers

11. My very first job when I was 16 was working as a hostess at a mexican restaurant. I still eat there on a regular basis.

12. I am the only person in my family that has dark blue eyes. Everyone else has the faded blue or gray eyes.

13. I learned to roller skate when I was 2 years old and spent all my free time at the rink. I take my children to the same rink that I grew up in and I do put on my skates.

14. I started getting high the summer after high school because someone told me I wouldn't do it. That year is a blur to me and is something I am not proud of. My dad helped me walk away from it and I have never looked back.

15. I spent my summers in Northern Indiana so that I could get to know my sister that is 20 years older than me when I was in Jr. High. Because of that, her and I have this amazing bond.

16. I have only been arrested once and it was for Minor in Possession of Alcohol during that dreaded summer after high school. The night I was arrested I drank my Seagram 7 in the police car and chunked it in the trash at the police station.

17. I read the first 4 Harry Potter books in 3 days. I read the 7th book in 1 day. I also read the entire Twilight series in 2 weeks but that was only because the 4th book wasn't released yet.

18. I don't like ice cream.

19. I love to bake but I don't usually eat the stuff I bake, I usually take it to the office and let them have it.

20. I have a birthmark on my right wrist that is shaped like an animal print.

So there you have it some random things about myself.

My Ramblings

2009-09-22T09:46:00.000-05:00

While I watch the leaves change colors, I reflect on the changes that have happened in the last year and ready to make more changes in my life in the new year.

While I watch the leaves fall to the ground, I am reminded of everything that I have overcome to get where I am today and shedding my old life so that I can be prepared for the new journey that awaits me.

While I take a breath of the cool crisp fall air, I am thankful for my family, my friends and my job and breathe in the strength and self-confidence the Goddess will send to me that will help me make it through the next year.

Mabon Blessings to All

2009-09-21T18:35:00.000-05:00

Sweet Silver Lining

2009-09-17T09:45:00.001-05:00

I first heard of Kate Voegele when she was on One Tree Hill. Yes I watch that show. It is one of my guilty pleasures.

When I downloaded her newest album and this was the first song on it. It called out to me. The lyrics were so raw and it hit me.

After having my panic attack last night and feeling like I didn't have anymore strength in me, I came into my office and turned on my mp3 player and this song was the first song to play. I was paralyzed listening to the words. I felt my strength returning not 100% but I know that things are not as bad as it seems. And I will get through this.

I thought I would share this song with you and hopefully it might help someone who maybe feeling the way I was and still is a little.

www.youtube.com/v/TYzj6QYkfXQ&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0">

Being a Realist

2009-09-16T20:33:00.000-05:00

A realist is a person that sees things for what they are and not what they want to be.

That is me or at least that is what I try to be. So I am going to be as real with you guys right now.

My life is less than perfect. I am less than perfect. It is so far from perfect that perfect is in a whole different galaxy. At this very moment, I am on the verge of an all out panic attack. And no matter what I do or how much I have meditated today, I am unable to stop it.

I have made some mistakes in my life that I not proud of. But they keep being thrown in my face. I am not going about my separation from my husband the way some people think I should but no one has given me a playbook on how to do this. There are people who think that I am being selfish and not thinking of my kids. When my kids are the the reason this isn't an easy decision for me. I feel like everyone that is important to me is deserting me in my time of need. I have never felt so alone in my life.

I am spent. I am emotionally, mentally, and physically spent. So if anyone else wants to kick me while I am down, please do so. I have no fight left in me anymore.